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“The Love Dare” Day 7

  • Posted on August 17, 2009 at 22:09

Wow! Was today’s lesson an eye opener.

Love Believes the Best

The entire lesson was talking again about how we focus on the negative of relationships without being thankful for the positives.  The dare was to take out two pieces of paper. On the first one write positive things about your spouse and on the second write negatives.  Then you were to hide them in a secret place until a later dare told you what to do with them.

The house was totally silent.  Chris and Jordan were already asleep so I thought, what a great time to sit down and think about my husband.  I started writing out the positives and each and every one made me grateful for him.  It became very easy to keep writing positive things.  Some of the things I hadn’t thought of in years! Some of the things were the physical things that attracted me to him 9 years ago.  Though we have both changed physically it was nice to remember those features and to realise that they are still there!

Then I started on the negatives list.  I was about 3 things into it when I realized everything I was writing was a selfish thing that I wished he would do to make me happier.  Writing that list made me realise how selfish I am.  What was also interesting was that some of the things I like most about him, were the same things I disliked.  Let me give an example.

On the positive side  I wrote that Chris is very laid back and doesn’t let things bother him.  He allows God to work things out and he doesn’t worry.  He knows that God is in control

On the negative sheet, I wrote how he never seems to think things are important and that they need to be taken care of.  In short.  I was saying that I am impatient and that I think things need to be done in MY time and I don’t understand how he can just sit there.  WOW!!! He’s doing the right thing and I’m worrying and causing stress and more than likely causing fights between because I can’t relax and let God take control.

This is just one example of the realisations I had while doing tonight’s Dare.  This Dare may sound simple, but when you sit down and start making those list, look at what the real motivations are behind the negatives.

I challenge you to do this with someone you love.  Don’t give them the list, there is no really no need.  You will see that the positives FAR out weigh the negatives and you will have a whole new respect for the other person.

God Bless You All

for more info on the book visit their website

“The Love Dare” Days 4-6

  • Posted on August 16, 2009 at 19:36

I knew when I started this book that challenges would come up within the book, but I also knew that one of my biggest challenges would be reading and doing the dares daily.  It was easy to do while Jordan was out of town, I had quiet time to sit and read and think.  Then my birthday happened and I skipped one day.  I have found in many things once you have skipped once it is so easy to make excuses and skip again.  I honestly don’t know what day I should be on.  The last couple dares have not had much to talk about.  I am going to give short recaps of what I did on those days.

Day 4: Love is Thoughtful

When you first get married you would do anything for your spouse.  You are constantly asking if they need help or trying to find a way to make their day just a little easier.  As time progresses it becomes more self centered, that is just the human nature.  This lesson tells us that we should always be thoughtful and aware of what our spouse wants or needs.  The dare was to contact your spouse at some point during the day with no other agenda than to see if they needed anything.  When this dare came up for me Chris was off work.  I had no need to contact him because he was home with me all day.  To be honest, I know I asked him but I don’t remember what it was that I did.  As I said, its been a crazy week and I’m pregnant so my memory is shot!

The goal now is to find a way to make asking him his needs a natural and routine part of my day.

Day 5: Love is not rude

Do you like being around people who are rude to you? Of course not, so why are we so often rude to our spouses? When I read this, it hit me hard.  I have started trying to listen to the things I say and the way I say them.  Being rude isn’t just in words but also in the tone of your voice.  Just tonight I found myself talking rude to a member of my family.  When it was pointed out to me, I felt horrible.  Why do we treat the ones we love in this way? If you haven’t noticed, every lesson has something to do with the others.  Everything however seems to point back to being selfish.    Often times we are nicer to complete strangers than we are our own family.  WHY?? We should strive daily to treat the ones we love with respect.  Going back to day one of this book, if you can’t say something positive, don’t speak!

The dare for this day was to go to your spouse with a clear mind and in a non hostile way and ask your spouse three things that you do that irritates them or makes them feel uncomfortable.  This can be a hard pill to swallow and its normal to want to defend yourself.  I am the worlds worst at getting defensive. I decided that I had to ask Chris.  His answer were almost exactly what I was expecting.  I will not share those with you as they are personal but just know that after he told me the three things that irritates him he followed up with an amazing compliment that brought me to tears.

This exercise was an eye opener and I have vowed to work on those three things.  What three things do you do? I encourage you to ask, the answers may be hard to hear but if dealt with can change your relationship.

Day 6: Love is not Irritable

Wow, does that hit close to home.  I know on so many occasions I blow up for no reason.  I take anger out on those I love because they are there. Is that love? No, I believe it would be the complete opposite. Love means holding our anger and keeping our emotions in check.  This is a very hard thing for me right now.  As many of you know I am five months pregnant.  My emotions are on a roller coaster, but I can’t use that as an excuse.  All this means is that I have to try that much harder to keep myself in check.

We get so use to our day to day routines.  Many things can be the trigger of our irritability.  But we must look at see why we are getting so upset and try to find a positive way to react to a negative situation.

The book talks of two major triggers of irritability.  They are stress and selfishness.

I think stress is pretty self explanatory. Stress can be harmful to not only your relationships but your health has well.  Stress causes you to say and do things that you would not normally do.  We owe it to ourselves and the ones we love to try in every way to remove the stress triggers in our lives. The Bible is the best self help book for removing stress in your life.  Open the pages and find what God commands us to do about stress!

I have discussed already how selfishness can cause you to be irritable.  When it comes to our loved ones we need to put our issues to the side and focus all of our attention on those people needing us. I don’t feel that much more needs to be said on this.

The dare for today was to make a list of ways you can add more time to your schedule and release stress.  And to also list  any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.  I challenge you to do the same

I hope that you are enjoying these posts.  I know they are long.  Eventually I will make more time in my day to blog more and then only have to tell you about one day at a time.

Here is a link to the book for those who want to get your copy.